Thursday, August 8, 2013

The 30-Day Marriage & Family Refocus Challenge
(Pt.2)




Your Marriage is not in a Recession, but a REFOCUS!

Refocus: Your marriage is not in a recession, but a Refocus! To refocus means to look again, or focus something again. It also means to change the emphasis or direction of something. Just like in the natural, we all go back to the mirror for a second look before we leave the house. It is time for you to take a second look at your marriage and discover how to change the emphasis or direction of it. God is requiring us now to go back to the mirror of our marriage and commitment and look again.  It is time to Refocus your marriage!

How can you Refocus your marriage? You have to be marriage-centered first, and then secondly be child/family-centered. Have a spouse centered-marriage and a children-centered family. Your children are not your mate, but they are your family. You and your spouse are beyond family because you are ONE. Yes, you and your spouse are one: one love, one mind, one spirit, & one body, etc… The denomination of one does not constitute a family, but rather a marriage. Now, the children are an addition to the already established denomination of the oneness that you and your spouse have. The children don’t make or complete your marriage, but rather your family. Many married couples give up being married to one another for family. This should not be, but rather strive to have your marriage as the strong base by which your family can be built upon.

“Your Marriage is the Foundation of Your Family!”

            If you put your children before your marriage, then you are putting the cart before the horse. Remember your first priority is to be a partner, then a parent. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand you have to meet the needs of babies and young/small children, but you do not do this at the expense of never meeting your spouse’s needs. Nor do you tell your spouse our marriage will be back on rack in 5-6 years when the kids start school or even worse in 18 years when they move out.

            Take for instance when it is dinnertime, you should demonstrate in front of your children the marriage to family order by fixing your spouse’s plate first and serving them. Again, this establishes order in your household and it illustrates to your children that you first have a marriage-centered mindset as a spouse, and then as a parent a family-centered mindset.

REFOCUS Your Marriage

R. Reconnect with your spouse. Talk and really communicate with your spouse again and really connect with them. Try to be more understanding and considerate of your spouse. Ask them daily, “What can I do to help you today and to be a better spouse?” Go on dates, take vacations, and do romantic things for one another. Laugh together every day!

E. Edify your spouse. Over the next 30-days, do not say anything negative about your spouse or to your spouse. Even when you need to deal with challenging issues, make sure you do not disrespect your spouse in any way. Build with your words!

F. Fight Less with your spouse. Over the next 30-days, stop making everything an issue, an argument, and a fight. Focus more on connecting with your spouse and changing yourself. Instead of fighting, rather challenge yourself and your spouse to see how you can handle the issues in your marriage without fighting.

O. Optimistic! Be optimistic about yourself, your spouse, and your marriage. Don’t look for the bad in your relationship over the next 30-days. Look and focus on the good in your spouse and your marriage. Find creative ways to bring happiness, love, and joy to your marriage.

C. Commit yourself to your spouse and marriage again. Come up with new marriage vows and recommitment yourself again to your love. Make an “I Promise & Vow To ….” list. Do a little simple commitment ceremony with your spouse and say your new promises and vows to one another. Then frame and post the new promises and vows in your house.

U. Understand your spouse. Don’t always feel like you and your spouse have to agree on everything, but rather choose to understand and support them in a matter. Make sure you say to them, “I understand and I am here for you.”

S. Sex! Challenge yourself over the next 30-days to be physical with your spouse in some kind of way. Remember, Making Love starts with & in the mind, accelerates with your words, goes further with your actions/service, and ends with a good night. It may be impossible every day to have sex, but you should strive to make love to your spouse’s mind, make love to them through your words, actions, and acts of service to your spouse.


Challenge yourself to take your marriage from the recession that it has been in to the next level and REFOCUS it. You owe it to yourself and your spouse to give your marriage all that you have and then some. Imagine how great your marriage will be once you Refocus it!

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