The 30-Day Marriage
& Family Refocus Challenge
**Read through this assignment and modify it to fit your
family, then have a family meeting, spouses only first then involve the kids
and let them know why you are doing it and all the benefits it has for your
family!**
The Day-to-Day Routine Factor:
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Mornings: Each spouse shall alternate
weeks to allow the other at least 30mins-1 hour extra sleep by taking on the
duties or the roles in preparing the house for the day (i.e. Make coffee,
lunches, walk the dog, get child ready for school etc…)
Ø
Goal of the Morning Refocus: Is to allow
the other spouse the opportunity to either sleep in, do their devotion, have
quiet time before work, or exercise.
Ø
Benefits of this Morning Refocus: Causes
your spouse to be refreshed and prepared to take on whatever task awaits them
at work and to also be ready and renewed to take on the night shift at home
this week while the other spouse does the morning routine… neither spouse is
maxed-out and everyone feels the load or duties are being divided equally
Ø
** Try to at least once a week to have family
prayer prior to leaving the house and play worship music every morning when you
get up to set the atmosphere and order in the house!
Ø
Afternoon: Each spouse commits to contact
the other at least once throughout the day (via email, text, or phone call)
just to check on them only… nothing else… only after that communication has
been done can that spouse petition the other for a favor or errand, etc…
Ø
At least try to make it a point in the 30-day
challenge to have an actual physical lunch together… if not possible, then
schedule to call each other and talk while taking a lunch break a the same
time… There should always be some type of communication between the two spouses
prior to coming home so that they both know and have an understanding of what
to expect that evening.
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Goal of the Afternoon Refocus: Your
spouse serves as an outlet to talk to and affirm each other at the midpoint of
your day before seeing each other when you get home… this also helps the spouse
to prepare for the evening.
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Benefits of this Afternoon Refocus: Opens
up communication, causes you just to focus and to express love and meaningful
things to each other while at work, which sets the tone for your home before
you even arrive that evening… gives you something to look forward to each day
and relieves stress.
Ø
Evenings: Each spouse shall alternate
weeks to allow the other at least 30mins-1 hour extra time to themselves
“me-time” by taking on the duties or the roles in preparing the house for the
evening (i.e. Make dinner, walk the dog, homework with children, etc…
Ø
Goal of the Evenings Refocus: Is to allow
the other spouse the opportunity to either sleep, do devotion, have quiet time,
do homework/study, or exercise before dinner
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Have dinner together as a family, no tv on, no
cell phones, just family talk…at least one night per week you should have
family night, which consist of games, movies, special food treats, or a night
out for the entire family… it is most beneficial to do family night-in
initially then end the 30-day challenge with a reward in going out for family
night… also have family prayer night and devotion at least once that week…
Ø
Give the children time for themselves also…
believe it or not kids need “me-time” and this allows everyone to have alone
time and unwind from the day…
Ø
Bedtime: Should not exceed 10:00 pm for parents and 8:30pm for
children…Prior to going to bed both spouses regardless of what has transpired
that day should shower to feel refreshed before bed…Both spouses should
alternate between weeks who puts the children to bed… NO CHILDREN IN THE BEDROOM…
even if the child is sick then the designated parent should sleep in the
child’s room…
The Nuts & Bolts:
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Must have at least one date night per week in
the home or out of the home (i.e. special dinner, movie, rent a movie, indoor
picnic, couple massages, etc…)
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Focus on your marriage and do the maintenance
that has been long over due… really focus on how to make the other spouse happy
and really focus on their love language and commit daily to doing so.
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S.N.L. SEX NIGHT LIVE!! Really make a
commitment to having intimacy and sex at least 3 times each week… this is the
RECONNECTION of the REFOCUS!! Make your bed a sanctuary again… put romance back
into your marriage… have FUN again… get back to the deeper level of friendship…
Ø
Each spouse gets one day to themselves… at the
beginning of each week, each spouse chooses that day… in that day you get at
least 4 hours to yourself even outside the home to do whatever… THIS IS YOUR
SABBATH!
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Release yourself from all other obligations
during this time (30-day challenge) to give your full attention back to
personal time with God, spouse, children… your home which is your first
ministry- the greatest one.
Ø
Make it a point to share all domestic duties, and
finally do those house projects and clean-up, do all those things you have been
vowing to do for so long.
Your Marriage is not in a Recession, but a REFOCUS!
Refocus: Your marriage is not in a recession, but a Refocus! To refocus means to look again, or focus something
again. It also means to change the emphasis or direction of something.
Just like in the natural, we all go back to the mirror for a second look before
we leave the house. It is time for you to take a second look at your marriage
and discover how to change the emphasis or direction of it. God is
requiring us now to go back to the mirror of our marriage and commitment and
look again. It is time to Refocus your marriage!
How can you
Refocus your marriage? You have to be marriage-centered first, and then
secondly be child/family-centered. Have a spouse centered-marriage and a
children-centered family. Your children are not your mate, but they are your
family. You and your spouse are beyond family because you are ONE. Yes, you and
your spouse are one: one love, one mind, one spirit, & one body, etc… The
denomination of one does not constitute a family, but rather a marriage. Now,
the children are an addition to the already established denomination of the
oneness that you and your spouse have. The children don’t make or complete your
marriage, but rather your family. Many married couples give up being married to
one another for family. This should not be, but rather strive to have your
marriage as the strong base by which your family can be built upon.
“Your
Marriage is the Foundation of Your Family!”
If
you put your children before your marriage, then you are putting the cart
before the horse. Remember your first priority is to be a partner, then a
parent. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand you have to meet the needs of
babies and young/small children, but you do not do this at the expense of never
meeting your spouse’s needs. Nor do you tell your spouse our marriage will be
back on rack in 5-6 years when the kids start school or even worse in 18 years
when they move out.
Take
for instance when it is dinnertime, you should demonstrate in front of your
children the marriage to family order by fixing your spouse’s plate first and
serving them. Again, this establishes order in your household and it
illustrates to your children that you first have a marriage-centered mindset as
a spouse, and then as a parent a family-centered mindset.
REFOCUS Your Marriage
R. Reconnect with your spouse. Talk and really communicate with
your spouse again and really connect with them. Try to be more understanding and
considerate of your spouse. Ask them daily, “What can I do to help you today
and to be a better spouse?” Go on dates, take vacations, and do romantic things
for one another. Laugh together every day!
E. Edify your spouse. Over the next 30-days, do not say anything
negative about your spouse or to your spouse. Even when you need to deal with
challenging issues, make sure you do not disrespect your spouse in any way.
Build with your words!
F. Fight Less with your spouse. Over the next 30-days, stop making
everything an issue, an argument, and a fight. Focus more on connecting with
your spouse and changing yourself. Instead of fighting, rather challenge
yourself and your spouse to see how you can handle the issues in your marriage
without fighting.
O. Optimistic! Be optimistic about yourself, your spouse, and your
marriage. Don’t look for the bad in your relationship over the next 30-days.
Look and focus on the good in your spouse and your marriage. Find creative ways
to bring happiness, love, and joy to your marriage.
C. Commit yourself to your spouse and marriage again. Come up with
new marriage vows and recommitment yourself again to your love. Make an “I Promise & Vow To ….” list. Do a
little simple commitment ceremony with your spouse and say your new promises
and vows to one another. Then frame and post the new promises and vows in your
house.
U. Understand your spouse. Don’t always feel like you and your
spouse have to agree on everything, but rather choose to understand and support
them in a matter. Make sure you say to them, “I understand and I am here for
you.”
S. Sex! Challenge yourself over the next 30-days to be physical
with your spouse in some kind of way. Remember, Making Love starts with &
in the mind, accelerates with your words, goes further with your
actions/service, and ends with a good night. It may be impossible every day to
have sex, but you should strive to make love to your spouse’s mind, make love
to them through your words, actions, and acts of service to your spouse.
Challenge
yourself to take your marriage from the recession that it has been in to the
next level and REFOCUS it. You owe it to yourself and your spouse to give your
marriage all that you have and then some. Imagine how great your marriage will
be once you Refocus it!
Time Management & Household Commitments
Sundays: Church and Family time (Cleaning the Internal House – your
Soul! Enjoy the rest of the day hanging with family instead of being exhausted
from cleaning all day Saturday). Schedule
& Plan: Prepare for the upcoming week’s events and post everything on
the family calendar.
Mondays: Mail sorting Mondays (including
bills/magazines/receipts/basically anything dealing with paper). Mate Night: spend some alone and
quality time with your spouse for at least 1 hour. Connect through conversation
and physical touch!
Tuesdays: Tidy up Tuesdays kitchen/family room (straighten pillows
on the couch; put away the things – straighten up pots and pans and Tupperware
etc…Yep! The ones in the cabinets).
Me-Time: Take at least 1 hour
of me-time tonight you deserve it. Make sure your spouse also gets a “me-time”
moment this week!
Wednesdays: Wipe down Wednesdays bathrooms and kitchen (thorough
cleaning – make it shine….including sweeping and mopping). Family Night: have pizza, games, a movie, but most importantly talk
with your kids!
Thursdays: Pick up clothes/shoes/jackets – straighten laundry
room/bedrooms/Closet.
Date Night: Go out to dinner, take a
walk, go for ice cream, catch a movie, or stay in, just do something alone with
your spouse! Have some good affection, romance, and sex!
Fridays: BREAK (Sabbath)! Rest
Night: Everyone just chill out!
Saturdays: Dust and vacuum. Activities
Day: do the activities, errands, and other obligations that need to be
taken care of today.