The 30-Day Marriage & Family Refocus Challenge

**Read through this assignment and modify it to fit your family, then have a family meeting, spouses only first then involve the kids and let them know why you are doing it and all the benefits it has for your family!**

The Day-to-Day Routine Factor:

Ø  Mornings: Each spouse shall alternate weeks to allow the other at least 30mins-1 hour extra sleep by taking on the duties or the roles in preparing the house for the day (i.e. Make coffee, lunches, walk the dog, get child ready for school etc…)

Ø  Goal of the Morning Refocus: Is to allow the other spouse the opportunity to either sleep in, do their devotion, have quiet time before work, or exercise.

Ø  Benefits of this Morning Refocus: Causes your spouse to be refreshed and prepared to take on whatever task awaits them at work and to also be ready and renewed to take on the night shift at home this week while the other spouse does the morning routine… neither spouse is maxed-out and everyone feels the load or duties are being divided equally

Ø  ** Try to at least once a week to have family prayer prior to leaving the house and play worship music every morning when you get up to set the atmosphere and order in the house!

Ø  Afternoon: Each spouse commits to contact the other at least once throughout the day (via email, text, or phone call) just to check on them only… nothing else… only after that communication has been done can that spouse petition the other for a favor or errand, etc…

Ø  At least try to make it a point in the 30-day challenge to have an actual physical lunch together… if not possible, then schedule to call each other and talk while taking a lunch break a the same time… There should always be some type of communication between the two spouses prior to coming home so that they both know and have an understanding of what to expect that evening.

Ø  Goal of the Afternoon Refocus: Your spouse serves as an outlet to talk to and affirm each other at the midpoint of your day before seeing each other when you get home… this also helps the spouse to prepare for the evening.

Ø  Benefits of this Afternoon Refocus: Opens up communication, causes you just to focus and to express love and meaningful things to each other while at work, which sets the tone for your home before you even arrive that evening… gives you something to look forward to each day and relieves stress.

Ø  Evenings: Each spouse shall alternate weeks to allow the other at least 30mins-1 hour extra time to themselves “me-time” by taking on the duties or the roles in preparing the house for the evening (i.e. Make dinner, walk the dog, homework with children, etc…

Ø  Goal of the Evenings Refocus: Is to allow the other spouse the opportunity to either sleep, do devotion, have quiet time, do homework/study, or exercise before dinner

Ø  Have dinner together as a family, no tv on, no cell phones, just family talk…at least one night per week you should have family night, which consist of games, movies, special food treats, or a night out for the entire family… it is most beneficial to do family night-in initially then end the 30-day challenge with a reward in going out for family night… also have family prayer night and devotion at least once that week…

Ø  Give the children time for themselves also… believe it or not kids need “me-time” and this allows everyone to have alone time and unwind from the day…

Ø  Bedtime: Should not exceed 10:00 pm for parents and 8:30pm for children…Prior to going to bed both spouses regardless of what has transpired that day should shower to feel refreshed before bed…Both spouses should alternate between weeks who puts the children to bed… NO CHILDREN IN THE BEDROOM… even if the child is sick then the designated parent should sleep in the child’s room…

The Nuts & Bolts:

Ø  Must have at least one date night per week in the home or out of the home (i.e. special dinner, movie, rent a movie, indoor picnic, couple massages, etc…)

Ø  Focus on your marriage and do the maintenance that has been long over due… really focus on how to make the other spouse happy and really focus on their love language and commit daily to doing so.

Ø  S.N.L. SEX NIGHT LIVE!! Really make a commitment to having intimacy and sex at least 3 times each week… this is the RECONNECTION of the REFOCUS!! Make your bed a sanctuary again… put romance back into your marriage… have FUN again… get back to the deeper level of friendship…

Ø  Each spouse gets one day to themselves… at the beginning of each week, each spouse chooses that day… in that day you get at least 4 hours to yourself even outside the home to do whatever… THIS IS YOUR SABBATH!

Ø  Release yourself from all other obligations during this time (30-day challenge) to give your full attention back to personal time with God, spouse, children… your home which is your first ministry- the greatest one.

Ø  Make it a point to share all domestic duties, and finally do those house projects and clean-up, do all those things you have been vowing to do for so long.

Your Marriage is not in a Recession, but a REFOCUS!

Refocus: Your marriage is not in a recession, but a Refocus! To refocus means to look again, or focus something again. It also means to change the emphasis or direction of something. Just like in the natural, we all go back to the mirror for a second look before we leave the house. It is time for you to take a second look at your marriage and discover how to change the emphasis or direction of it. God is requiring us now to go back to the mirror of our marriage and commitment and look again.  It is time to Refocus your marriage!

How can you Refocus your marriage? You have to be marriage-centered first, and then secondly be child/family-centered. Have a spouse centered-marriage and a children-centered family. Your children are not your mate, but they are your family. You and your spouse are beyond family because you are ONE. Yes, you and your spouse are one: one love, one mind, one spirit, & one body, etc… The denomination of one does not constitute a family, but rather a marriage. Now, the children are an addition to the already established denomination of the oneness that you and your spouse have. The children don’t make or complete your marriage, but rather your family. Many married couples give up being married to one another for family. This should not be, but rather strive to have your marriage as the strong base by which your family can be built upon.

“Your Marriage is the Foundation of Your Family!”

            If you put your children before your marriage, then you are putting the cart before the horse. Remember your first priority is to be a partner, then a parent. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand you have to meet the needs of babies and young/small children, but you do not do this at the expense of never meeting your spouse’s needs. Nor do you tell your spouse our marriage will be back on rack in 5-6 years when the kids start school or even worse in 18 years when they move out.

            Take for instance when it is dinnertime, you should demonstrate in front of your children the marriage to family order by fixing your spouse’s plate first and serving them. Again, this establishes order in your household and it illustrates to your children that you first have a marriage-centered mindset as a spouse, and then as a parent a family-centered mindset.

REFOCUS Your Marriage

R. Reconnect with your spouse. Talk and really communicate with your spouse again and really connect with them. Try to be more understanding and considerate of your spouse. Ask them daily, “What can I do to help you today and to be a better spouse?” Go on dates, take vacations, and do romantic things for one another. Laugh together every day!

E. Edify your spouse. Over the next 30-days, do not say anything negative about your spouse or to your spouse. Even when you need to deal with challenging issues, make sure you do not disrespect your spouse in any way. Build with your words!

F. Fight Less with your spouse. Over the next 30-days, stop making everything an issue, an argument, and a fight. Focus more on connecting with your spouse and changing yourself. Instead of fighting, rather challenge yourself and your spouse to see how you can handle the issues in your marriage without fighting.

O. Optimistic! Be optimistic about yourself, your spouse, and your marriage. Don’t look for the bad in your relationship over the next 30-days. Look and focus on the good in your spouse and your marriage. Find creative ways to bring happiness, love, and joy to your marriage.

C. Commit yourself to your spouse and marriage again. Come up with new marriage vows and recommitment yourself again to your love. Make an “I Promise & Vow To ….” list. Do a little simple commitment ceremony with your spouse and say your new promises and vows to one another. Then frame and post the new promises and vows in your house.

U. Understand your spouse. Don’t always feel like you and your spouse have to agree on everything, but rather choose to understand and support them in a matter. Make sure you say to them, “I understand and I am here for you.”

S. Sex! Challenge yourself over the next 30-days to be physical with your spouse in some kind of way. Remember, Making Love starts with & in the mind, accelerates with your words, goes further with your actions/service, and ends with a good night. It may be impossible every day to have sex, but you should strive to make love to your spouse’s mind, make love to them through your words, actions, and acts of service to your spouse.

Challenge yourself to take your marriage from the recession that it has been in to the next level and REFOCUS it. You owe it to yourself and your spouse to give your marriage all that you have and then some. Imagine how great your marriage will be once you Refocus it!

Time Management & Household Commitments

Sundays: Church and Family time (Cleaning the Internal House – your Soul! Enjoy the rest of the day hanging with family instead of being exhausted from cleaning all day Saturday). Schedule & Plan: Prepare for the upcoming week’s events and post everything on the family calendar.

Mondays: Mail sorting Mondays (including bills/magazines/receipts/basically anything dealing with paper). Mate Night: spend some alone and quality time with your spouse for at least 1 hour. Connect through conversation and physical touch!

Tuesdays: Tidy up Tuesdays kitchen/family room (straighten pillows on the couch; put away the things – straighten up pots and pans and Tupperware etc…Yep! The ones in the cabinets).       

Me-Time: Take at least 1 hour of me-time tonight you deserve it. Make sure your spouse also gets a “me-time” moment this week!

Wednesdays: Wipe down Wednesdays bathrooms and kitchen (thorough cleaning – make it shine….including sweeping and mopping). Family Night: have pizza, games, a movie, but most importantly talk with your kids!

Thursdays: Pick up clothes/shoes/jackets – straighten laundry room/bedrooms/Closet.          

Date Night: Go out to dinner, take a walk, go for ice cream, catch a movie, or stay in, just do something alone with your spouse! Have some good affection, romance, and sex!

Fridays: BREAK (Sabbath)! Rest Night: Everyone just chill out!

Saturdays: Dust and vacuum. Activities Day: do the activities, errands, and other obligations that need to be taken care of today.

TALK SHOW!!!

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Prayer for Marriage

The Power of A Praying Husband

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Marriage & $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

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"Sex & Women" Talk Show

Preparing for Marriage

The Single-Life

How to Prepare for Marriage

Today, we are going to discuss Marriage Preparation. Amazingly, marriage preparations starts before you even start dating that special someone. Before finding the right one, you have to be the right one. The "right one" who knows how to love yourself, take care of yourself, be forgiving, deal with past issues, work on selfishness, and work on those unlovable and negative things about yourself. If you would not marry you, then you should not expect anyone else to either. Marriage… whom you will marry is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. It is so profound that if you marry the “wrong one” (or if you are the wrong one), it can jeopardize every other decision you have ever made in your life.

There are many ways to prepare for marriage. The word prepare means to put in proper condition, to make ready, compose, to provide, arrange, and put in order. Pray and be honest about the things in your life that you need to put in proper condition, need to make ready, compose, need to provide, arrange, and put in order. If these things bother you, and are out of whack, please know and believe that they will bother your future spouse. Please consider Premarital counseling courses even before you get engaged!

When it comes to your future mate, you can rest assure that it is not left up to chance, but your mate is chosen in the spiritual realm. The ultimate choice that leads to the ultiMATE! You and your future spouse are the ultiMATE for each other. Ultimate: the last, the best, the greatest, the end of a long process, the final result! You are the best, greatest, the final result, and best thing that will ever happen to your future spouse. You are the ultiMATE for them!

Sit & Prepare Before You Build a Marriage

           

²⁸For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it— ²⁹lest, after he has laid the foundation, and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, ³⁰saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish’ 

(Luke 14:28-30).

            Many people are able to prepare for a wedding, but not many are able to build a marriage. A wedding is the inception to marriage, but the covenant of marriage is the everlasting commitment. You have to do more than lay a foundation (a wedding), you must be able to finish (have a marriage). The cost of marriage is greater than a wedding. Yes, weddings are expensive, but only financially; marriages are expensive in that you vow your life.

               

What To Do Before You Say I Do

·         Spirituality:  Define for yourself what you believe, and how/what you want the spiritual atmosphere of your marriage to be like. Don’t be unequally yoked

·         Health: Get in shape both Mentally and Physically. Develop a positive attitude. Be Physically Attractive both outwardly and inwardly

·         Finances: Eliminate as much debt as possible, know your credit score, save, and be willing to share all your belongings and finances. Have a financial planning and budgeting strategy

·         Priorities: Be sure you are ready to make someone your number one priority after God (who is your supreme number one priority)

·         Kids: Do you want them? If so, how many? How do you think they should be raised?

·         Career/Education: Try to have at least your undergrad degree finished. Have at least 2-3 years in career experience.

Other Preparations to consider:

      · Have insurance (car, home, life, and health)

• Explore your relational strengths and relational weak/growth areas
• Strengthen communication skills
• Explore family issues and your upbringing 
• Know your expectations, and decipher which are unreasonable
•  List your goals for marriage

• Establish personal, couple, and family goals
• Understand and appreciate personality differences

·         Write down the past, current, or future roadblocks that you have already encountered or may encounter.

·         What do you bring to the table? What do you have to offer?

·         Define Roles, Responsibilities, & Decisions

·         Are you ready to be a LIFE partner? Remember, “To Death Do You Part!”

• What is your concept of marriage?

·         Get rid of the Black Book

·         Be willing to make a sacrifices

·         Be able to be vulnerable, agreeable, kind, compassionate, a good listener, loving, humble, and forgiving

·         Be able to resolve conflict, and fight/argue fair

·         Know when to be quiet and just pray

·         Have a good sense of gratitude

·         Have faith

·         Be faithful and have fidelity

·         Know your love language and style

·         Have a good sense of what intimacy is

·         Practice Patience & Tolerance

5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Say I Do

1.      Do I Love and Am I in Love with Him or Her?

2.      Do our Visions/Dreams/Goals line-up; are they a compliment to each other?

3.      Do or Can I see myself following this man as the priest of my home…Can I see this woman as my life-long partner and helpmate? Can she or he submit to my vision?

4.      Can I see this man as the father of my children…Can I see this woman as the mother of my children?

5.      Can I see my life without Him or Her?

            Unwise Reasons to Get Married

Why Get Married? What Are Your Motives?

Marriage is good, but there are some bad reasons to get married.

It Takes Two to Make a Thing Go Right!

·         Don’t be in a hurry

·         To prove others wrong

·         Everyone else is getting married

·         Biological Clock Ticking…To only have children … Adopt, be a foster parent, or a mentor

·         Financial stability

·         Status/social standing

·         Puppy love/infatuation

·         Loneliness

·         Pregnancy (out of wedlock)

·         Just to have sex (legally in the sight of God)

Preparing:

“In the Meantime”

Many of you would ask, “What do I do in the Meantime?” I am a realist, so I know that  you love God and you know you have to wait for an undetermined time for your spouse to come, but you want to know what you can do now while waiting. You can daydream about your future spouse, and how life will be with them, but you must keep your heart content and patient in order to wait on your future spouse. Notice, I said you can daydream, but do not Obsess over your future spouse and life to the point you forget to live your life now.

*The greatest way to envision your life with your spouse and connect with them now spiritually is to give them a name! Yes, give them a name. This way, when you pray, you can have a name to say rather than my “future spouse.” It will make you feel more connected with your mate if you give them a name now.

Now there are also very helpful things you can do now in order to prepare your heart to love them even while waiting on them to come into your life. Buy a nice journal just for your writings to your future spouse. Write in it every day, once a week, or monthly, which ever suits you. This way, once you meet them, they will be able to have a true appreciation of your wait for them.

Buy him or her cards and gifts, and that way, you will have something to give them once you meet. This is fun and creative. You can even make them gifts too. You can also make a scrapbook.

“The mandrakes give forth fragrance, and over our doors are all manner of choice (pleasant/finest )fruits, new and old delights, which I have laid (stored up & saved) up for you, O my beloved!” (Song of Songs 7:13-NKJV, NIV, NLT, AMP).

            What a blessing you will be when you meet your spouse if you start now. You can begin to open your heart to love now by doing these creative things, and making up your own creative and unique ways to say, “I love you” for your impending gift of a spouse. Think how you would feel if someone who you don’t even know was storing up love gifts, notes, letters, and whatever else, just for you!

           

            Okay, so now you have something that you can do in the meantime, so that you don’t waste time or whine about being single. You are being prepared for a great destiny, so start by walking it out now! Make the most of the time you have now in your preparation season. What you do now, will speak to what you will do later in your marriage. Focus! Enjoy the Journey, because this is where Destiny and Happiness is birthed!

The Role of the Wife

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Prayer For Marriage Broadcast

“What is Your Mistress?” 

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The Divorce-Proof & Remarriage Series (Pt.2)

Divorce is Like A Death…

“So What Are You Doing to Make Your Marriage Stay Alive?”

There is no such thing as a NO FAULT DIVORCE! Everyone has a role and a fault in a divorce. No one is a perfect spouse. We are imperfect people who marry other imperfect people, but still hope for a Fairytale! It takes love, work, dedication, commitment, trust, faith, and especially forgiveness to stay married and to have a great marriage.

In the natural, if you were diagnosed with an incurable disease, or some other curable infirmity, you would do whatever it takes to stay alive. You would change your diet, exercise, get surgery, take medication, and do whatever therapy just to extend your life and the quality of it.

So why is that when our marriages go through a diseased state we only want to get a divorce (a death) and not fight for it to live? It takes power to live and it takes nothing to file for divorce and just let the marriage die. Today, choose life over death as it relates to your marriage. 

Some file for Divorce (DEATH) and say it is because of Irreconcilable Differences. This is the common reason people use to get a divorce. You are going to have Irreconcilable Differences in marriage, but that does not mean you have to have a Divorce (Death). If you entered into your marriage and thought you would not have Irreconcilable Differences then you set yourself up for a fantasy that will never happen.

You and your spouse are two totally different people: man and woman, different backgrounds, and upbringings, different desires, etc… Your differences don’t have to make your marriage Irreconcilable! You can reconcile and embrace the differences that you have and find a place of agreement. Have good decision making in your marriage that is not selfish, but marriage-centered!

Bad Emotional Responses to the Issues of Your Marriage Can Compromise Good Decision Making!

How to Have A Marriage & Not A Divorce. First, Change Your Marital Diet! Remove all the unhealthy words, processed emotions, saturated arguments, artificial affection, and empty calories of non-quality time. The same way you RESET your body when you have decided to change your lifestyle and eat right and exercise, is the exact same thing you have to do for your marriage. 

HIT THE RESET BUTTON ON YOUR MARRIAGE!

Don’t Shutdown your marriage through a Divorce (Death), but RESTART (Reset) your marriage. You have to clear the history and forgive in order to restart/reset your marriage. You have to let go of the past, the hurts, and the pains and press towards the intimacy of your marriage.

Stop Looking at your Future of your marriage in light of your past!  The light of your past is not enough to shine forth or illuminate the future of your marriage.  Trust God for enough light for where you are, and for the step you are on in your marriage.  Make up in your mind that you are going to outlive what you are going through in your marriage.

“RESTART, BUT DON’T SHUTDOWN!”

The word restart means to commence, begin, to move suddenly, to get into motion, originate, introduce and to establish.  It is also a place or time of beginning and it even means to make a noise.  

The word shutdown means to cease, to halt, to block, to confine, to prevent, to keep away, to stop the flow of, and to be silent.  It is okay to restart, it is okay to begin, move suddenly, get into motion, and establish your marriage again.  You owe it to yourself after all you have been through to restart in every area of your life, especially your marriage.  However, it is not okay for you to stop living and shutdown and divorce (cause a death to your marriage).  Do not stop, halt, cease, block, or keep away your blessings, future, or the happiness that is to come into the life of your marriage, despite what has already happened. 

Don’t Breakdown, but Breakthrough. It is time for you to Pursue, Overtake, and Recover All in your marriage.  Don’t look for the easy way out, but work hard for that which is within your marriage! Restart means to make a noise, but shutdown means to be silent.  Restart your marriage!  Make some noise about your marriage, don’t be silent and allow a divorce to happen!  Don’t shutdown and lose your marriage by being silent about it.

The word breakdown means the act or process of failing to function or continue.  When you breakdown, you submit yourself to failure in your marriage, which is a divorce.  Crying is not a breakdown, but giving up when you know God still has you in the fight is a Breakdown in your marriage!  You don’t have a breakdown until you give up on God and your marriage.  When you want to give up on life, marriage, family, ministry, friends, and God, then you are at a point of having a Breakdown!  Don’t ever give up on God and your marriage, no matter what you are going through.

 

The word Breakthrough means an act of overcoming or penetrating an obstacle or restriction. Sometimes on your road to recovery and breakthrough in your marriage, you will have to encourage yourself in the Lord.  There will be times in your life when everyone seems to be against you and you will have to rely solely on God for strength so that your marriage can survive and thrive.  Divorce is not stronger than your Marriage. Let’s make the choice of divorce weak today, and make it not an option for our marriages.

Breakthrough, Pursue, & Recover All in Your Marriage!

*Please note that if you are in a violent or domestically abusive relationship rather physical, emotional, or verbal you do need to separate and get help!*

The Divorce Proof & Remarriage Series...

Divorce & Remarriage

- Pastor Tina R. McCrea

Matthew 19:7-10 (NLT)

“Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?” they asked.

Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.”

Jesus’ disciples then said to him, “If this is the case, it is better not to marry!”

Divorce

I've been divorced before and when I describe the feeling that comes with it I describe it in this manner.  Imagine yourself driving along the highway of life at a steady pace on a sunny day, the window is down, you are leaning with your elbow slightly out of the window. You hit a few bumps in the road yet you are still moving forward.  Suddenly someone comes along from the opposite direction and snatches your arm off!  The shock, trauma, and pain is unimaginable and so unexpected.  It doesn't matter who is at fault it just hurts!  That's what happens when two people become one in body, soul, and spirit then get a divorce.  It's why oneness in relationships is reserved for marriage because those souls were meant to be tied until death.

Nevertheless, divorce happens for whatever reason.  As a pastor, I do not promote divorce.  On the other hand, I never encourage people to stay in marriages that are abusive in any way.  Seek godly counsel today so that you can be enlightened and empowered to be free.

How Did I Get Here?

We have all read or heard several statistics regarding divorce.  But what is actually the root cause according to the scriptures.  Jesus said in Matthew 19:8 that it was because of the hardness of the heart.  Bitterness.  When we have unresolved conflict, self-centeredness, wrath, resentment, jealousy, fault-finding, etc. in our relationships the end result is going to be a hardened heart -- bitterness.  Jesus said, that this was not what the Heavenly Father originally intended.  We know this because it wasn't what you or I intended when we said I do at that altar.  Right?  So now what?  You may be saying, "Okay Pastor Tina, I can understand how I got here and I have feelings of grief, regret, anger, loneliness what do I do?"

After Jesus defined marriage and the power of oneness the religious folk who hated him were still trying to trap him by asking him about divorce.  He gives us a hard saying in Matthew 19:9 regarding divorce because he says unless your marriage ends due to fornication or infidelity in the marriage then you will be guilty of adultery if you remarry.  This would rule out irreconcilable (impossible to reconcile, adjust, compromise, collaborate, or harmonize) differences.  Irreconcilable differences when you look at the definition of the word boils down to self-centeredness.  These things can be worked out through godly counseling and allowing Christ to be the center of your choices, decision making, and communication style.  My first marriage ended due to domestic violence and adultery but what I have come to realize is that however marriages end the pain is similar to a death.  Both people tend to deal with the grief/regret of the loss and if children are involved the pain is magnified.

Healing & Moving Forward

Healing is on the horizon if you are relating to what I am saying about the pan of divorce.  The first step to healing is to accept that the divorce has occurred.  Then decide to seek professional or godly counseling. Notice I did not harp on godly counseling here because you may use that as an excuse not to move forward.  I used my Employee Assistance Program (EAP).  The guy wasn't a Christian but he did relate to my Christian views and helped me with the next point that I am about to make.  Set new boundaries. Notice how the disciples responded to Jesus' hard saying about divorce, "Shoot!  It's better not to get married then!"  That was my paraphrasing but essentially what they were saying is, "I had better count up the cost before saying I-DO."  Take the time to ask hard questions of yourself to discover how you got into the situation, what role, if any, did you have to play in the separation, how will you do things differently should you decide to remarry, establish healthy boundaries to give yourself permission to say to the next person during the dating phase, "This is where I draw the line or this is where you end and I begin (Anne Katherine, Boundaries Where You End and I Begin). 

Psalm 103:12-13

He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.

The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

You've spent enough time telling God about what our spouse did to you now it's time to ask your Heavenly Father to forgive you.  Repent. That is make up your mind to do what is right in future relationships and dating. Forgive yourself. Do not continue to rehearse the breakup and curse yourself for what happened.  Release the past into the sea of forgetfulness and the Father's hands where he can handle it better than you.   Taking the steps that I have outlined will raise your level of awareness so that when you meet someone just like the person that you divorced you will recognize it, hear and obey the voice of Holy Spirit rather than yielding to your emotions or natural tendencies.  I'm so excited because I have lived what I am telling you!  Try it!  The liberation will blow your mind!

Remarriage

When I told one of my minister buddies that I thought Elder Gary was going to ask me to enter a courtship with him and I was anxious about it the gentleman said this to me, "You know you have been healed from a previous hurt when you are willing to be vulnerable in that same area again."  Hmmm.  I thought, was I ready to do that and how would I know if I was ready.  Sure enough Elder Gary did ask me to enter a courtship with him and I agreed but the road was not easy at first.  I had to acknowledge that he was not my former husband.  He often times had to remind me of that.  We sought godly counsel and attended sessions that made us answer hard questions and our bishop suggest that we read a book together titled, "Before You Say I Do by H. Norma Wright & Wes Roberts".  

We would hold ourselves accountable to reading a chapter of that book before or during a date.  This meant that a movie theater was not always a part of our date night.  We avoided passion pits by going on group dates.  We spent a lot of time in prayer and we fasted at time too.  Reading that book helped us talk about and attending counseling sessions helped us to managed unrealistic expectations, uncover areas that still needed to be healed from my past and if you have children from a previous marriage you will need help with the process of creating a blended family.  Accept early on that creating a blended family is a process that requires a lot of communication not just with you and your future spouse but the children must be a part of that conversation as you set boundaries and relational guidelines.

Eyes Wide Open

What I have shared with you does not guaranteed that you will not have challenges if you decide to remarry but it does ensure that you have both eyes wide open, count up the cost of having to say what I did rather because you value the words, "I-DO" so much more.  Consider marriage as an investment of a lifetime.  We spend a lot of time, consideration, and even seek the counsel of friends and inspectors before we say I-DO to a brand new car or house investment.  Take those same measures when it comes to marriage.

Divorced persons once healed by the power of Christ can become friends again, set new boundaries, and may in some cases re-marry.

Prayer

Father help the person who reads or hears this broadcast to let go of all bitterness, your indignation, wrath, and resentment that surrounding the result of their divorce. Your words says you heal the broken hearted and binds up all of their wounds.  Lord, I'm asking you to destroy and break every chain of bondage.  Restore emotional healing by your grace today! Thank you for setting wise counselors in their path and let them hear and obey the voice of Holy Spirit as he speaks to them and restores their soul.  Lord reveal to them the choice of a mate is not based upon emotions or feelings but the qualities YOU would have them look for in a mate.  Let them not become unequally yoked again by setting proper boundaries, allowing themselves and You the time needed to listen and discern the heart of the person they are dating, avoiding passion pits and future pain. Cause their thoughts to come in alignment with your will so that their plans will be established and succeed.

  In Jesus' Name, AMEN!

Men & SEX!!!

Listen to this Hot Topic About Men & Sex

https://www.freeconferencing.com/playback_tp.html?n=/storage/sgetFC/RBdBL/ju1q7

By Life-Coach Samuel Sheffield & Elder Gary McCrea

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!!!!! #Marriage&Relationships

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!!!!!

 Listen to this Great Broadcast about Love & Valentine’s Day!

https://www.freeconferencing.com/playback.html?n=/storage/sgetFC/D3R1/aIHHaK

Hot Valentine Day Date Idea's

1. Book a hot reservation (at home).While cooking together might be something you do every day, there's no reason it can't be special. The twist: Devise a unique menu that you'll make together every year on Valentine's Day (think: all seafood, or an aphrodisiac theme). Start the tradition now and you'll never have to worry about making last-minute plans in the future.

2. Vamp it up. Buy yourself (or your girl) three new lingerie outfits in totally different styles -- over-the-top, cutesy, and subtly sexy -- and use your shopping spree as an excuse to suggest a pre-dinner fashion show. ‘Cause what guy won’t love his very own Victoria's Secret fashion show and what girl won’t be touched that her man ventured into a lingerie shop to surprise her?

3. Get the Zen treatment. Book a couples treatment at a local spa for Valentine's evening. By the time you get home, you’ll be ultra-relaxed for some late-night fun.

4. Channel your inner poet. Light some candles, pour a couple glasses of sparkling cider, and whip out those poetry primers you still have back in the day. Reading powerful verses together may open up the doors of communication and lead to an intense, um, connection.

5. Give each other erotic massages. Make sure your hands are warm and you have plenty of massage oils on hand. Get naked and take turns giving each other rubdowns. If a happy ending is in order, so be it!

6. Have a picnic indoors. Spread a blanket on the bed with fresh fruit, sparkling cider, chocolates, cheese slices, and candle-light music to encourage between-the-sheets action.

7. Get wet. Take a bubble bath or a shower together.

8. Make it a double header (His Needs/Her Needs). You’ve got all day, so why not take in two events? Hate basketball and your main squeeze is addicted to it? Get tickets to a game. Despise musicals? Surprise your spouse with tickets to a show. Sucking it up just this once will win you major brownie points.

9. Go Dancing Schedule a date for a night of hot salsa dancing or take a couples dance class and pretend you are on Dancing With The Stars.

10. Couple's Painting Class. There are several places in the Metro Atlanta area that give evening classes for the grown & sexy. Listen to jazz music, BYOB and your own picnic style meal.

11. Go Ice Skating. If you own skates, gliding around at a public rink is often free. Bring a thermos of hot chocolate and marshmallows plus a sweet treat to share. Or plan to stop by a diner afterward to grab dessert and warm up.

12. Create a VIP Club or Karaoke Club. Who needs a bar to dance? Load your iPod with sexy tunes, or pull out your laptop and pull up some of your favorite songs from when you were dating, and hook it up to the speakers in your pad. Bonus points for hanging a disco ball (find these cheap at stores like Walmart, Target, or your local party store) to get a club-like vibe.

13. Laugh It Up. Go to a comedy club, release the tension of the day and laugh it up.

14. Recreate your first V-Day together. Who said there’s no such thing as a do-over? Do it the same way you did back then. The only things you’ll miss are the nerves and overblown expectations.


Adapted from 50 Hot Valentine’s Day Date Night Ideas from THE NEST

http://ideas.thenest.com/holidays/valentines-day/slideshows/valentines-day-date-night-ideas.aspx?page=20